Young Mom Torn As Once-In-A-Generation Eclipse To Occur At Same Time As Equally Rare Opportunity To Nap

NIAGARA FALLS—A mother of three is seeking input from the public as an unlikely confluence of events has her children at various outings with trustworthy adults while she is in her house alone. A once-in-a-generation eclipse will also take place during this time but will be outdoors and require special glasses and non-pajamas.

Jennifer Park, whose children are five, three, and one, has a master’s degree in science and once belonged to an astronomy club in what feels like a lifetime ago.

“I used to rhyme off the moons of Neptune,” Park told the Alliston Gerald. “Now I trail off in the middle of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”

Park, whose children have spent the last six months in various stages of sleep regression, has had numerous individuals attempt to counsel her with advice, both solicited and unsolicited.

“I told her, you won’t get another eclipse like this in ten or fifteen years,” Park’s mother-in-law indicated. “And she said, ‘I may not nap in that long either.’”

An astronomically unlikely series of coincidences will place the moon directly in front of the sun roughly twenty minutes before Park’s family will arrive home, creating simultaneously a tiny corridor in southern Ontario and a fifteen-minute window to lie down in a bed without anyone screaming.

“It’s like my stars aligned,” she told reporters as she tore two fighting children apart on her way to the park while answering a work email on her phone. “But I suppose the moon and sun are aligning, too.”

Alexandra Hopkins, Park’s neighbour and friend, who recently gave birth to twins, had not heard of the eclipse but did not think very highly of it.

“It’ll be dark for a while? Great, all the better for napping. Do you know when else it gets dark? Every time it rains.”

For many, the upcoming celestial event represents a moment of pause, communal reflection, and spiritual growth.

“It’s moments like the one we’ll share on Monday that pierce the banality of our earthly existence, briefly pulling back the curtain to reveal the sublime realities of our transcendent cosmos,” Park’s younger brother commented after having slept eight hours and eaten three meals sitting down. 

“I understand what everyone’s saying,” Park told reporters. “But I just think if I could lay down for ten minutes uninterrupted, I may have a twitch in only one of my eyes.”