“We Thought They Were Ornamental”: New Residents of Small Town Shocked To Find Train Tracks For Trains

TOTTENHAM, ONTARIO—A growing number of new residents in an Ontario town claim to have been unaware of the occasionally noisy trains moving in the region when they decided to relocate. While the crossing signals stand in plain sight, many allege they were unaware the train tracks would ever have live trains running on them.

“When we came to look at our house, our realtor pointed out an actual train,” Max Connery told the Alliston Gerald. “We just laughed. Realtors are always doing stuff like that. You know, putting a cello in a bedroom, hiding a dog bed, creating a sense of rural charm by setting up a fake railway system.”  

When the Connerys moved in and heard the train’s loud horn, they were confused but ultimately believed their realtor was showing houses in the area again. 

“But then it dawned on us one night,” Connery told the Alliston Gerald. “Why would he be working at 4am? We realized we’d fallen prey to a heinous trap enacted by the entire town.”

The Connerys are not the only victims of this so-called trap. Others, such as the Dupuis family, feel the town in its duty to warn people.

“The sign when you drive in should have the name of the town, the population, and in big bold letters the words, “LOUD TRAIN,” Laura Dupuis told reporters. “But no, instead, they’ve even made it so that when you google ‘Tottenham train,’ you get a cute website for a train ride for kids!”

At the time of publication, the Connerys and the Dupuis, who live in a newer subdivision surrounded on three sides by farm fields, were appealing to their town councillors to enact a ban on the agricultural use of manure.