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THE ALLISTON GERALD
Financial Advisor Recommends Week In Vegas As Cheaper Alternative For Resolving Conflicts Between Members Of Council, CAO
After recent accusations of harassment levelled at members of New Tecumseth Town Council cost the town $190,000 in legal and...
theallistongerald
Jun 2, 20242 min read
Earn A Competitive Wage, Benefits And A Pension Doing Something We're Not Yet Ready To Tell You About
Have your social insurance number and banking information ready. Your online interview could begin as soon as right now! Currently...
theallistongerald
May 26, 20242 min read
EDITORIAL: Tornado Warnings Are Destroying The Economy And Creating A New World Order
A recent tornado warning has many people heading indoors to protect themselves and their families from a deadly threat. Does this sound...
theallistongerald
May 22, 20242 min read
Criminal Activity In New Tecumseth Skyrocketing According To Sources In Community Facebook Group
Criminal activity in New Tecumseth appears to be skyrocketing. The sole factor preventing unanimous consensus is all of the available...
theallistongerald
May 16, 20242 min read
An Alliston Group Of Volunteers Wants Your Help With Purchasing This Asthmatic Skunk's Heart Medication
ALLISTON, ONTARIO—What started as a post on Facebook has gained traction as a grassroots movement for wildlife security. When Nancy...
theallistongerald
May 9, 20244 min read
ALL OPTIONS ON THE TABLE: Town Considering 'Sponsor a Beetonian' Fundraiser To Deliver Household Water To Residents Of Future Subdivision
For the price of a daily cup of coffee, you could soon provide a future resident of Beeton with potable water. Ever since a residential...
theallistongerald
May 2, 20242 min read
New Tecumseth Unveils Indoor Pool After Admin Building Saga Revealed To Be Massive Prank
ALLISTON, ONTARIO—A new administration building has been at the centre of heated debate for the better part of a decade in the township...
theallistongerald
Apr 25, 20242 min read
Tottenham Named Greatest Place On Earth By 'Pizza and Weed Magazine'
TOTTENHAM—After decades of being snubbed by best-of lists of every kind, Tottenham recently earned the title of ‘Greatest Place On...
theallistongerald
Apr 19, 20241 min read
Parents of Young Children Recklessly Try 'Forty-Minute Caffeine Detox'
ALLISTON, ONTARIO-Young parents are experimenting with a health fad that has people spending tens of minutes without consuming any...
theallistongerald
Apr 16, 20242 min read
THE NITROGEN TAX: How This Prominent Think Tank Recommends Canada Solve 'The Other Man-Made Gas Problem'
SCHOMBERG, ONTARIO—Canadians are reacting to a new proposal from a federal policy research group that advocates for a new tax to...
theallistongerald
Apr 10, 20242 min read
Young Mom Torn As Once-In-A-Generation Eclipse To Occur At Same Time As Equally Rare Opportunity To Nap
NIAGARA FALLS—A mother of three is seeking input from the public as an unlikely confluence of events has her children at various outings...
theallistongerald
Apr 2, 20242 min read
Leaked Trudeau Memo Urges Caution Around April Fools' Day
LORETTO, ONTARIO—A confidential memo from the Trudeau government surfaced Thursday in a rural Ontario hamlet, sources indicate. The...
theallistongerald
Mar 29, 20242 min read
ST. PATRICK'S DAY ADVICE: 20 Ways To Avoid The Guy Who Makes Irish Ancestry His Entire Personality
Dear Alliston Gerald, There’s this guy I work with who is constantly bringing up his Irish heritage. I believe one of his mother’s...
theallistongerald
Mar 16, 20242 min read
In Bizarre Turn Of Events, Driver of Ford F-150 An Okay Person
BARRIE, ONTARIO—While allegations are unproven in court and all testimonies at this time remain anecdotal, one local man alleges he...
theallistongerald
Mar 11, 20242 min read
Heartwarming: Neighbourhood Rallies Together To Keep Kids Walking To School On Road
TOTTENHAM—-In a recent petition, members of the Tottenham community asked town council to reconsider a proposal to have sidewalks placed...
theallistongerald
Mar 3, 20243 min read
Library Piloting New Children’s Literacy Program, ‘Reading Rats’
“At first we were all set on ‘Counting Cats’ as the new program,” Donna Chambers, Senior Assistant Advisor to the Chair of the Committee...
theallistongerald
Feb 25, 20242 min read
Residential Developer Not Sure Whether To Send Ford Valentines Flowers, Chocolates, or Off-Shore Bank Deposit
BEETON—In the gift section of the Beeton Foodland on Tuesday night, sources observed the president and founder of Plateau, a residential...
theallistongerald
Feb 13, 20242 min read
Town Council and SCDSB Vote To Rebuild Banting Memorial High School In Manitoba
ALLISTON, ONTARIO—After years of deliberation, the Town Council of New Tecumseth and the Simcoe County District School Board have come to...
theallistongerald
Feb 4, 20242 min read
Woman Claims Bike Lanes Ruining Parts of City She Would Never Live In
TORONTO—A woman told reporters last Monday that the Bloor and Ossington neighbourhood she visits once or twice every three years is being...
theallistongerald
Jan 30, 20241 min read
Alliston Woman Prides Self On Hating Majority Of Town's Coffee
ALLISTON—Witnesses indicate that a local woman was heard telling friends outside a coffee shop that she was unable to find a decent cup...
theallistongerald
Jan 11, 20242 min read
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